Sunday, March 9, 2008

Random Worries

Ah, Sunday. Here I am, mentally organizing the coming days and worrying (read: obsessing) about random stuff:

1. Matthew seems to be disappearing before my very eyes. Literally, his already-small frame seems to be shrinking. Yes, he's been sick for a few days and so not eating much, but honestly, I worry that there's something more serious going on. Thyroid issues run through my husband's side - do symptoms appear this early in life? He's only TWO - how can he have "issues" already?

2. Money. We don't have enough of it and I put today's groceries on Visa. Not this week's groceries, you'll note. Today's. Which brings me to

3. Why can't I stick to a meal plan and cook a decent meal like other mothers? If this were 1947, I'd be the laughingstock of the cul-de-sac - for both my deplorable lack of culinary skills and the fact that I can't make myself look like anything other than mildly unkempt, no matter how hard I try.

4. What if I never want to have sex again? I mean, I'm sure I'll have sex - maybe even soon -but what if I don't WANT it, ever again?

5. If I applied to one of those "Lose 180-pounds-by-Tuesday-You-Sloth!" type TV shows, what are the chances that no one who knows me/used to know me/slept with me will see it until AFTER I've lost weight? I want the free trainer - I SUCK at self-motivation.

6. I'm beginning to think that my addiction to Facebook might be a bad thing.

7. I haven't been for my 6-week post-partum check-up. Am too afraid to call now, as my doctor will be none too happy AND she'll then be performing a Pap, while pissed off. Ouch.

8. Exactly how honest am I supposed to be during these marriage counselling sessions? Like, should I actually utter OUT LOUD the stuff I really think when I'm peeved with Mark? Or should I simply spill the PG version - his heart may have a better chance of staying intact then.

9. How did my Mum manage two children, a demanding career AND still find time to look like a million bucks? I can't even shower daily. Talk about underachieving. I wonder if she's disappointed?

10. I haven't really tried to potty-train Matthew. I keep hoping he'll work it out himself.

11. If I died, would Mark fall in love with someone who fell in love with him first or the boys first? What if she didn't love them enough? What if she didn't love them at all?


  1. This whole entry made me want to cry, and hug you.

  2. I could have written that all myself. I'm sorry you feel how I feel, because sometimes I just don't feel good at all.


  3. Oh Belly .. all these are fears that are ever present in a mother's head. *Hugs* Sweetie, it's ok to feel like that and as one wise woman said "this too shall pass"

  4. It'll be ok. I know exactly how you're feeling; the lack of money, everything. As far as counseling, if you are feeling the need to censor yourself, then it's not going to help. You need to feel free to be completely open and honest- if you can't with him there, maybe you should have some sessions alone.

    As far as potty training, I tried to "train" Damien... it wasn't happening. One day just before he turned three, he decided to. All on his own. Don't feel like you have to teach him. Pay attention; let him sit on the potty if he shows interest but otherwise- you have enough stress!!!! You don't need to make it worse for yourself!

    ::hugs:: call me, please!