Thursday, July 31, 2008


If my marriage survives until the end of 2008, it will be no small miracle.

In fact, it may very well take a miracle. Except that I'm too tired to pray for one.


Carry on.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Climb Ev'ry Mountain..uh, Staircase!

Luke: In the kitchen, playing contentedly with fridge magnets and mixing spoons.

Matthew: In bed, not so much with the contented, reading books and not sleeping.

Mummy: Marching back and forth between the playroom, tossing toys into any available container and her bedroom, folding a never-ending pile of laundry.

Luke: Thump! Whack! "Ga-ga-da-mmmmmaaaaaaammmaaa!" Thump-thump!

Matthew: "Outside, inside, inside down!" (Berenstain Bears)

Mummy: "Tra la, la!" Folding, tossing, marching. Folding, tossing, marching.

Luke: Thud! "!" Thump.

Mummy: Hmmm...wonder what Luke's doing? March into kitchen.

No Luke.

Whirl around...check under table.

Nope. No Luke.

Luke: "Ga! Waaahhhh!!!"

From the TOP OF THE STAIRS!!!!!!!!!!

Omigod, my heart. It stopped.

Note to self: Luke climbs stairs. You idiot.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The House That Love Built is FOR SALE!

After six loooooooooooooooong months, Mark has been offered and has accepted a job in Napanee.



Dear God,

Please send the right person to our door. Send the one who will step over the threshold and say, "This is where I belong," like we did.

Please let the house that love built be someone else's prayer...and guide them home.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Leaving Luke

I wrote my parent three pages when I first left Matthew overnight. What follows here are two pages, for my friend A. I'm leaving Luke with her to attend a wedding. 10 hours, all in.

Sheesh. You'd think I was leaving for a week.

Wanted to post it here, just because:


Luke loves crawling and pulling up to stand. On anything – the sofa, the wall, your leg, your boob, the potty, the toilet, the TV stand….you get the picture. If left to his own devices, he’d stand and climb all day long. In fact, just today, he climbed UP the stairs of the ball-pit slide at the Pumpkin Patch. My boy is a cute and darling menace!

Ode to Luke

He likes toys that squeak and some that peep
And ones that wobble down the street.

His favourite toys are ones to chew,
Including toes and fingers, too!

He tries to dance and loves to clap,
And loves when fingers snap, snap, snap!

When nap time comes, he likes to cuddle,
Though Snuglis work, when in a muddle.

He may take a bottle, then again, may not:
When it comes to milk, he’s a bit of a snot.

But in the end, you’ll know what’s best:
Feed him some “o’s” when you need a rest.

He’ll likely (hopefully, ideally, but let’s not count on it) nap around 3-ish. His naps are odd – sometimes he’ll go down for ages, but not usually for more than 45 minutes at a time. He’s soothed by low noise and conversations, so you could sit and discuss the sad state of the world or plan a trip down East, and he’ll happily snooze nearby. Mostly, he likes sleeping ON someone, so if you’re up for a drooling leprechaun, have at it!

Clearly underfed and malnourished, Luke will eat practically anything you put in front of him. I’ve packed some jarred butternut squash, plus some sliced blueberries, along with Cheerios (which you can scatter across the floor and watch him follow and gobble, just for fun!) and biscuits. If you’re comfortable feeding him bits off of your plates, he’d appreciate that, too!

Bedtime varies. I usually bathe him around 7:00 and attempt/try/cajole/give in/give up/fail to put him to sleep around 8:00 to 8:30. As of this writing, he’s come awake twice, just to snuggle back down within minutes.

I’ve packed some Camillia tabs for teething. If it seems that he’s suffering from teething issues, one capsule is like magic. Two should do the trick, about ½ an hour a part. He can take Tylenol and Motrin too and doesn’t mind a swig of whisky, here or there! (Ha, ha!)

My cell: 289-***-***
Linda’s (Mother-in-law) cell: 123-456-789

Please DON’T hesitate to call, for any little thing. I promise not to call every hour, although I will likely call once or twice because, well, he’s my love-bug and I’ve never been parted from him for more than two hours. Eek!

Have also attached copies of his birth certificate and Health Card stuff, should something go terribly awry.

He has no known allergies and no health conditions. He does, however, like popsicles.

Phew! Nothing like a novel, eh? Sorry. I ramble as much on paper as I do in person – it’s a gift and a curse!

That said, thank you SO much for having him. I feel at ease and happy that he’s with you, A, as he has a twinkle for you and you can get him to sleep when no one else can. I appreciate both the time to reconnect with Mark and the chance to let Luke unfurl his wings, just a bit.


Sunday, July 6, 2008

Mama said there'd be days like THIS!

When my boys could not possibly have been better behaved or more angelic.


Travelled to my bio-sis's home yesterday. Three hour drive, without incident. Sang songs, ate snacks, laughed at Luke.

Neither boy napped, but were genuis during the party. Delighted family and friends with their hair, their smiles, their easy-going, "yes-I-AM-precious-thank-you-very-much!" ways.

Wanted to burst with pride and love and grateful-ness. Snuggled both at bedtime, pouring secrets and giggles and words of comfort and thanks into tiny, tired ears.

Woke this morning, awkwardly wrapped around my boys - one in the crook of my arm, the other, tucked into the crook of my knees. Both forever tucked into my heart.

Feel lucky. Feel blessed. Feel....content.

Thank you, Matthew, for your spirit and your fire. For giggles and snickers and telling Mummy how much you like her hugs. For trying hard to get along, for teaching Mama again and again, what it is to discover. What it is to forgive.

Thank you, Luke, for you grins and your drive. For your voracious appetite for everything and food. For making me feel like I'm doing something right and for seeking my arms for comfort, for love.

Thank you, Mark, for trying. And for having hope.

Friday, July 4, 2008

One of those days!

It's not even 9:00 here, and this is how the morning has gone:

"Good Morning, Matthew!"

"Where's Daddy? Daddy's here? Is Daddy herrreeeeeeeeee???" (whiny-verging-on-tears-voice)

*insert rolling eyes here*

"Good Morning, Luke!"


*insert expletive here*

Since then, I have been nothing but a nag. A shrew. A screeching banshee of a parent and I am ashamed. But, these children. They've pushed me to the brink:

Matthew! Don't push your brother. Luke, don't eat that, it's not food. Luke, spit that out! Spit. It. OUT, Luke! Matthew, don't bonk your brother, play nicely. He's just a baby and he just wants to play with you. LUKE! Don't bonk your brother, that's not nice.

Matthew, close the door. Matthew, put your underwear back on. I'm trying to pee. No you can't watch. Matthew, leave the toilet paper alone, please, I don't want to tell you again. Matthew! Leave the toilet paper alone, please. What did I just say? Luke, toilet paper is NOT for eating.

Luke, come away please...away from Daddy's CD's please. These are not toys, Luke. Luke! Do NOT eat the CD's. They are not food. No, Matthew, please don't climb on the couch. GET DOWN! Don't climb on the chair, either. Geez, Matthew...what did I just say?


Matthew: "Mummy, we go see Daddy at work?"

Me: "No, sweetheart, we can't see Daddy at work. He'll be home after supper. We'll see him then, ok?"

Luke: "Daga?"

Matthew: "I wanna see Daddy! I wanna see Daddddddddyyy at wwwwooorrrrrrrrrkkk!!" (whiny-verge-of-crying-voice)


One of those days.