Wednesday, February 11, 2009

It is with great sadness...

Andrew Michael John Schillings

May 19, 1978 - February 10, 2009

It is with great sadness that the family announces the sudden passing of Andrew Michael John Schillings on Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 at Lakeridge Health Oshawa. He was 30 years old.
Andrew, affectionately known as “Andy” to most, is survived and loved always by his parents, Patricia and Joseph Schillings of Lakefield. Beloved brother of Elizabeth McLennan, dear brother-in-law of Mark McLennan and cherished uncle of Matthew and Luke McLennan, all of Belleville.
He will be remembered with great love by his girlfriend, Lindsay Collins and many friends in the Durham area. He will also be lovingly remembered by aunts, uncles and cousins in British Columbia, England and Holland.
Relatives and friends may call at McINTOSH-ANDERSON FUNERAL HOME LTD., 152 King Street East, Oshawa (905-433-5558) on Monday from 7-9 p.m. A celebration of Andrew’s life will be held in the chapel on Tuesday February 17, 2009 at 11:00 a.m. Cremation. Donations made in Andrew’s name to the Heart and Stroke Foundation or a local food bank would be appreciated by his family. On-line condolences may be made at

It has been a long, terrible day. My parents and I chose Andrew's casket and urns, as he will be cremated following the funeral on Tuesday. Lindsay, Andrew's girlfriend will keep one, as will I and of course, my parents. They plan to create a special spot in their garden, overlooking the waterfall.

That done, we tiptoed in to "visit" Andrew, still on the gurney from the hospital, but lovingly covered by a quilt, courtesy of the funeral staff. He hadn't been embalmed, but I think they did some touching up before we ventured in.

I can't explain the flood of emotions at seeing his sweet, sleeping face. All I could see, superimposed over his beard and 30-year old laugh lines, were images, memories of the little boy he was, the baby brought home from the Children's Aid, the devil-may-care teenager. It was surreal and I think, for a moment, I stopped breathing.

And then my mum came in and uttered not a word. Just gave a keening, absolutely shattering cry and I swear to God, I will hear it all the days of my life. It was the sound of her own heart, breaking and it was awful.

She stood there, my tiny, fierce Mama, over the body of her only son and wept and wept and wept - surely the angels wept with her. For her. Even though I'm pretty sure that some of them are smoking a huge joint with Andrew even as I type, surely Heaven wept for her.

Am home now and exhausted. Keep thinking I'll wake up and this will all be gone, and then I realize that THIS is, and he is gone. My brother is dead.

And life will never, ever be the same.

Please pray for my Mum. Please pray for strength and peace for her weary heart. I am scared for her - that this will be her final undoing and that this loss will be too much for her to bear. And my dad, oh, my beloved Dad. All he wants are Andrew's remote control cars - the ones he was driving in the sunshine, when he collapsed and died.

At the end, still a little boy, playing with cars.

1 comment:

  1. I am thinking of you Belly! I am just so sorry. I know there isn't anything I can really say to take the pain, sorrow, and massive amount of hurt away from you. Just know that I am here if I can help at all. Big hugs to you and your family. xo