Monday, April 23, 2012

From The (Potty) Mouths of Babes...

Hit the gas station after retrieving the boys from school. When I climbed back into the car, this is what greeted me:

Luke: Mummy, what does fuckin' asshole mean?
Matthew: I just told you, Luke! I just told him, Mummy!
Belly: Boy, I miss all the fun stuff, eh? Where'd you hear that phrase, Matthew?
Matthew: IR called DB that at school a couple of weeks ago.
Belly: I see. So why are you saying it now?
Matthew: Because I just remembered it now.
Belly: I see. You know that those are very naughty words, right?
Matthew: I know, Mummy. I only told them to Luke so that he doesn't say them.

*This is the hardest part of being a parent, I've found. I can't really get him into trouble because he's sort of doing the right thing. Secondly, I find it very difficult to keep my stern face in place when I'm trying not to laugh.*

Luke: But what does it mean, Mummy?
Belly: It's the worst thing you can call someone, Luke.
Luke: Worse than stupid?
Belly: Way worse.
Luke: Wow.
Belly: Yeah. Wow.

How do you deal with "potty mouth"?

Seconds later, I pulled back onto the rainy street and we headed for home. Then, from the depths of the backseat:

Matthew: Mummy, doesn't it sound like the  windshield wipers are talking?

Belly: You're right, it sort of does. What do you think the wipers are saying?
Matthew: It sort of sounds like....ummmm....Fucking. asshole. Fucking. asshole. Fucking asshole.
Belly: Matthew, that is completely inappropriate and you know it. Enough!

We continued on in silence.

Well, except for the damned wipers.

All the way home, they mocked me:

Fucking. asshole....fucking. asshole....fucking. asshole.......

And you? How do you deal with potty mouth?
 What do your wipers have to say?


  1. A few comments:
    -I haven't laughed this hard for a while.
    -If only we picked up vocabulary that quickly.
    -I wish it were raining so I could listen to my wipers.
    -Vivian, when she were 2, asked my husband, "Daddy, what does 'bucking slow down' mean?" She'd overheard my husband swear at someone speeding through a playground zone...

  2. Ha! I called Mark at work and told him to read the link I'd sent. He laughed and said he'd likely be hearing "Fucking Asshole" on his drive home in the rain.

    That was sort of my plan, to be honest. If *I'm* gonna hear "effing asshole" every time it rains, so are allllllllll of my readers.

    Yep. I'm just loving and kind that way.

    Bucking slow down. BAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAA!!!

  3. Tears.. in eyes...

    It's a good thing we rarely run our wipers here - that whole lack of rain thing.

    We're pretty much doomed to potty mouth with boys, aren't we?

    1. Blessed. Doomed. Depending on the day, we are always both, though always blessed.

      Thing is, they love, love, love all dirty words - naughty words....and the words "poop" and "fart". Those can send them into hysterics for minutes at a time.

      Boys are so weird.

  4. Oh.My.Gosh! You see? I'm definitely missing out on some good material here, given that I have an only child. These conversations between siblings never happen. And he reads everywhere we go. Wow. Now, every time I hear the wipers, it's in there. So thanks for that. I'm posting to my Facebook page!

  5. There are days, my friend, when I'd be happy to lend Tech Support some little brothers, for sure!

    But most of the time, they keep in in stitches (and blogging fodder) so I keep 'em around.

    As for the wiper thing? You're welcome. :)

  6. Liz, be prepared it gets worse and funnier. I remember my son and his friend inventing a new olympic sport -synchronized spitting.

  7. Synchronized SPITTING? Oh, Lord. Luke is a spitting menace at the moment (What is UP with that?) so it's a good thing he can't read. I'd hate for him to be getting any ideas....

  8. Worse than LOL

    I remember when my oldest son learned to read and started reading everything...even vulgar bumper stickers. He had no idea what he was saying was so bad.

  9. That does it ....NO reading for the Reds! LOL!

    Sigh. Never a boring moment around here, actually. These are - despite the potty mouthed moments - the days.

  10. Omg to funny. But I do have to say I like the story better in person. Your laughter goes so well with story.