Specifically, I learned a few things about parenting my kids:
1. I have great kids. I knew that, of course, before the weekend. It's just that sometimes, that truth gets lost amidst the sameness of being with them every day, all day long. I get so caught up in teaching them manners, and
I forget to praise them for being kind to one another, for putting the cap on the toothpaste, for coming when called, for spelling words correctly, for remembering their hats, helmets and to stay out of the sand pile.
Without them here, I remembered.
2. I must rediscover my sense of silly. On Saturday, I had the rare privilege of watching my niece and nephew for a few hours. I have never had them all to myself before and I was delighted to read them a dozen books, using all my "silly voices". I laughed aloud when they did, loving the happy sounds they made. I spent 10 minutes kissing invisible boo-boos up and down their limbs, making them laugh harder and twirled my fingers into their curls, holding them closer, gently, for as long as I could.
As I did so, feeling my shy, prickly niece relax into my side and sigh with tired contentment, I tried to remember the last time I got goofy with my own kids. Seems I don't do it often enough, because I couldn't recall a recent "Funny Five Minutes" and vowed then and there to change things for the Reds.
Without them here, I remembered.
3. The Reds are my everything, but maybe there's room for others, too. It has been many, many years since Mark and I have spent more than 24 hours alone. And the three-day weekend sans kids is the first one we've had since before Luke was born. It was also the longest stretch of time alone together that didn't end with a door-slamming, curse-hollering fight. Sad, but true.
I had forgotten the quiet pleasure of sitting together on the deck with only our books and our coffee. I had forgotten how much fun a trip to the hardware store, to window-shop and dream - could be. I had forgotten what brought Mark and I together years ago and this weekend, I was given a glimpse of the people we used to be.
For a few brief days, I allowed myself to be the wife I've never been and focused my attention solely on Mark. I was rewarded with a relaxed and cheerful man with whom I peacefully shared meals, coffee and forgotten laughter. And I realized that, in putting the Reds first, always, I do our family a great disservice.
Without them here, I remembered.
I am so grateful to my children. Even when they're not here, they teach me the biggest, most important lessons in life: Let go. Be silly. Forgive.
And you? What have your kids taught you lately?
Isn't space wonderful? What a beautiful post, Liz. I have a friend who likes to assert that we should not raise our own children but those of our family or community. She's being flippant, generally, but sometimes I think she has a point. Sometimes I try to remember they're a gift from God, and that I've been entrusted to raise them. Still, that's way too easy to forget.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Leanne. I think your friend might be onto to something. If we're all in this together, there's less room for judgement and more room for community.
ReplyDeleteIt IS easy to forget that our children ARE gifts. Thankfully, hopefully, every once in awhile, every parents gets the chance to remember.
xo
As always, your posts are so great-- but in the end you made such a powerful point--of course we want to do everything to make our kids happy, but it isn't always best to put them first. Although we don't get to do it often, Dan and I try to have date nights when possible-- we even had a day-date a few weeks ago and it was so lovely! If we can't manage to get out of the house without the kids, we watch a movie together, or sit on the back deck with a glass (or 3!) of wine, just so we can spend time with each other.
ReplyDeleteFunny, how we don't know we need the time away till we're blessed with it somewhat unexpectedly. And yes, what wonders it can do for a marriage. When we were in California, my parents kept my boys with them every night at my aunt and uncles house, and Scott and I got to sleep in their RV, parked at my cousin's house, every night. It was delightful, refreshing, and such a breath of fresh air to be with just him. I adore my boys. But it was definitely a reminder of how life once was, how much I love my husband and WHY i love him, when the kids were out of the equation for more than just an hour or two. <3
ReplyDelete-Karen G
Thanks, Camp Mamas!
ReplyDeleteAm glad you both have opportunities to simply BE, alone or with your husbands. Keep it up!
xo
Great Post! Very insightful :)
ReplyDeleteI read somewhere that although many parents put their kids first, that it's important to put each other first and our kids second. By putting each other first, we strengthen our marriages, strengthen our partners and give them and ourselves the energy to be the best parents we can be.
Food for thought. My baby isn't out until December though, so I offer no "true" parenting insight :)
Samantha, you're pregnant?!!?! Wooooooohohooooooo!!! Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteHeehee. Yep. So you can bet I'll be coming back here again and again for tips :)
ReplyDeleteReally great. In the madness of day-to-day life it's easy to forget how important time away from the little ones is. Loved this post.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Annie - with four kids, you likely need to time away more than I do/did! When will you get a chance to simply "be"?
ReplyDelete