He begged me to hang up the phone and hurried to pick up, only to be distracted by dust motes dancing and hunger and Lord knows what else. Suddenly inspired, I posted this on Facebook:
Within minutes, my friend Jamie offered to make the call. This is how it went:
Santa: Hello Luke, it's Santa! How are you?
Santa: Are you having trouble picking up your toys? Are you having a problem? Mommy asked you to pick them up.
Luke: Yeah. But all I wanted was someone to help me pick up.
Santa: Did you ask someone to help you? Did you make the mess? If so you have to pick it up. If you need help, ask Mommy.
Me: If you pick up your toys Luke I will look into getting you that "Cars" guitar you wanted. You still want that right?
Santa: Well then you pick up and be a good boy for Mommy and I will see about getting one to you for Christmas, OK?
Santa: You go clean up Luke and I will talk to you later and have a Merry Christmas.
In the meantime, Jamie and I were conversing madly on Facebook, hopping between a thread on my wall and one on his. The conversation on his had me howling with laughter, as Luke scurried about behind me:
Luke: Hello! Luke speaking.
Santa: Luke. It's Santa again. Did you clean up your toys?
Santa: Good boy. I knew you could do it. Now I will look at getting that guitar in the sleigh for you OK?
Luke: Ok bye. CLICK.
My son had indeed hung up on Santa, but boy, was he proud of himself:
The fun didn't end there. In between the picking up, hysterical laughter and mad Facebook'ing by me, Luke managed to jam his finger into the pencil sharpener, proceeded to sharpen his finger and then burst into panicked tears. In the midst of the ensuing chaos, "Santa" rang again:
Matthew: Hello! Matthew McLennan speaking.
Santa: Hello Matthew! It's Santa! I heard you wanted to talk to me too?
Santa: Did your brother clean up his toys?
Santa: Good, good. What happened to his finger? He tried to sharpen it? That's silly! You tell him Santa is bringing him pencils so he won't have to sharpen his fingers OK?
Matthew: ( giggling): OK Santa. ( giggling)
Santa: Now. you want a police man costume and drums?
Matthew: YES, PLEASE!
Santa: Well I think I can get you the costume, but the drums are a bit big for my sleigh, maybe when you are older OK, buddy?
Matthew: That's what my Mom said too. So that's OK.
Santa: Because when you are older you get bigger things and I can make more room in the sleigh.
Matthew: That's fine.
Santa: Now you be a good boy and help Mommy and I will get you your presents OK? And tell Luke to stop sharpening his fingers! I will get him some pencils!
Matthew: ( Giggling again) OK Santa.
Santa: Good bye, Matthew and Merry Christmas.
Matthew: Bye! Merry Christmas, Santa.
Proof, dear readers, that the magic of Christmas is all around us: all you need is a good friend, Facebook and a phone.
With love and thanks to the awesome Jamie Terry, for playing along and for letting me plaster his Facebook wall all over the place. Merry Christmas, my friend! xo