"The Rodeo Song" aka "Happy Birthday, dear Andrew..."

Woke up today - my brother's birthday - expecting to be overwhelmed with missing him.

Instead, even though my heart is heavy and tears hover, I am mostly OK. Sad, but OK.

And I have decided that instead of filling this space with my own grief, I will instead share some of the reasons that I miss Andrew, so that those of you who never knew him, might.

He was a funny guy, my brother. An irreverent, potty-mouthed, laug-till-you-cry kind of dude.

Andrew helping celebrate his nephew's 1st birthday.

When I had to compile songs to put on a CD for the funeral home, I struggled with the task: I found it difficult to include songs that soothed and reflected my parents' tastes as well as mine and my brother's.

In the midst of it all  my husband provided me with a much-needed moment of sheer hilarity. When his uncle passed away several years ago, Mark's family horrified and amused mourners by playing this song at the service. It was Uncle Jim's favourite, and Mark thought it would have been Andrew's too:

"The Rodeo Song: Piss Me Off, You F*ckin' Jerk" could have been Andrew's theme song and once I'd exhaled my initial gasp of shocked surprise, I fell apart laughing.

I could - and still can - hear my brother's voice, singing these lyrics. I can see him, driving his truck, smoke in one hand, speeding like a demon and cursing other drivers.

God, I miss him. And I am laughing so hard right now I am crying. Or maybe I am crying so hard, I am laughing?

I hope he is too.

Fuckin' jerk.