Thursday, May 16, 2013

Dear Proctor and Gamble...

Dear Proctor and Gamble,

I am writing to congratulate and thank you for creating a well-designed and easily-used product: the  Always "Ultra Thin" maxi pad (with wings).

Earlier this evening, I was happily cruising home from running errands with my youngest son, Luke, strapped into his car seat behind me. We were singing.

Mid-warble, a quiet voice came from the back seat: "Uh, Mummy?"


"I'm bleeding."

I grabbed the rear view mirror and yanked it down - sure enough, blood was gushing from Luke's nose with alarming speed. While I cast frantic eyes around the car for a tissue, newspaper, ANYTHING, Luke sat quite calmly, watching blood pool into his cupped hands.

"Did you pick your nose, Luke?"


"Oh, dear."

Luke began practicing the art of nose-picking early on...

"Luke, I'm sorry. I don't have a tissue. Let me see if I've got some scrap paper in my purse..."

Digging down (while driving) I felt my hand close around a familiar product: a tampon. Grimaced at the thought of being stopped at a light and having other drivers see me toting a kid with a tampon sticking out his nose and then rummaged for the next best thing: an Always "Ultra Thin" maxi pad (with wings).

Expertly, I tore it from its pretty green wrapping and handed it back to Luke, who snort-laughed out his nose, spraying blood everywhere. Then he shrugged and jammed the pad on his nose, twisting the sticky side around so that the whole thing stuck to his face.

"OK, Luke?"

"OK, Mummy. There's a lot of blood in my nose."

"Sure seems like it. Keep that pad on your nose, OK?"

"OK. Is this for girls to use on their 'ginas?"


"It's sort of gross that it's on my nose, isn't it?"

"Not necessarily. It's stopping the blood from going all over your clothes, right?"

"I guess. LOOK! The blood's getting sucked inside the pad. That's  so cool!"

Indeed, it was.

So there you have it, Proctor and Gamble:

"Maxi pads (with wings) - not just for girls, not just for periods!"

With sincere thanks,
Luke's Mum


  1. Bwahaha. I. Love. This.

    He's going to despise that pic someday.

    But then he'll love it again.

  2. Oh, yeah. He's gonna kill me. But.....bahahahahahahaahaha!

    I love that he posed so gamely for a photo, all covered in blood.

    His therapist is gonna love ME even more...

  3. LOL! I think I just died laughing. Love you to bits, Liz.

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