Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Goodbye to Guckies

Matthew has been using a soother since birth. He has steadfastly clung to a handful of beloved and well-loved "guckies" for his entire life.

I have argued with practically everyone about his use of them - a thumbsucker myself, I KNOW the immense comfort he draws and will never willingly take it from him.

Then today happened.

Matthew's care nurse - once she'd properly arranged her features after expressing shock and derision at his soother use - has expressly forbidden the use of soothers, straws or anything that involves sucking. It would render today's painful surgery futile and in all likelihood, cause more discomfort for Matthew.

Matthew kind of overheard this conversation, as it took place over top of his precious, snoozing head. So tonight, when I told him that bedtime will no longer include his gucky, he simply nodded.

Sadly. Tears shimmered. And then my wee man squared his little shoulders, stuck out a brave chin and said,

"It's ok, Mummy. I know."

And it has broken my heart. I find that I am grieving -  not just the loss of his gucky for him, but also  the loss of his little boyhood...for me. It's not that he's not ready to leave these precious days behind.

He is.

He has.

But me? I am not ready. Not yet.

Not yet.


  1. This makes me cry.

    So touching.

    When it was time for William and Vivian to give up their nighttime soothers, we discussed sending them to Santa who would distribute them to babies who needed them. They gave them up willingly.

    My lie (and their willingness to go along) broke my heart a bit. As does Matthew's big-boyness and your telling of it.

    Sweet dreams to you all tonight.

  2. Thanks for the love, Mamas. I know that you all know. This growing up business is hard. For parents as much as children.

    Leanne, my girlfriend did something similar with her daughter - only their story involved fairies and will be, weirdly, the last of my posts for the 30-day challenge.

    Going into this surgery I was prepared to for discomfort for Matthew. I was not prepared for outright pain...for him OR for me.


  3. Oh Liz. It's the last link to baby Matthew. Big hugs. He's an amazing boy to make the transition so easily, he knows he can get comfort from elsewhere now. Be proud of you big boy!

    I want Rhys to stop sucking his thumb but I dred the day too.

  4. That's it exactly, Colleen - that last link to his "babyness" is gone and I am sad.

    I am proud of him - he's such a trooper, but...sniff....

    Love you, Mama!