Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Welcome to Canada, eh?

Awesome blogger Kelly, of Dances With Chaos fame, is coming to Canada! And while she's not coming to see me (*sniff, sniff*) she will be hanging with the most talented bitches I know: Leanne, Trish and Elena from Word Bitches.

The Bitches United, as I've taken to calling them in my head (and thusly hashtagged on Twitter) will be hanging in Calgary, being brilliant and witty and looking gorgeous. It's what they do.

In the meanwhile, I want Kelly to feel entirely welcome to the greatest country in the world. She's from Texas, so Cowtown won't be a HUGE surprise, if she happens to spot a dude in a cowboy hat.  I wanted to send her a toque and some maple syrup, but just in case ' Canada Post doesn't get it together in time, I've settled on a playlist for her journey.

Please feel free to add your own "Quintessentially Canadian" tunes, eh?

Dear Kelly (American Woman),

Soon you'll be Alberta Bound - how excited are you? For Five Days in July, right? The Word Bitches are anxiously Waiting for You in Canada and I just know that you'll have a wonderful time. I hope that it's warm enough to sit outside, wine in hand, gazing at pretty Patio Lanterns.

A long, long time ago, Calgary Used to Be Our Town but I beat a hasty retreat back to Whistler, toque and wussy-it's-way-too-frickin'-cold ass in hand. It was the place I loved best and where I knew I was destined to live. If not for a long time, I was there For A Good Time.

If you were here, I'd bring you to Bobcaygeon, which is pretty cottage country and quintessentially Canadian, especially if you're from "There's No Place Like This" Ontario. But since you're all the way over there, way past The Wheat Kings, I'll be happy for you from afar.

Just don't be looking to be Drawn to the Rhythm of the sea or anything. Calgary's got the Bow River and that's about it. Unless you get to drive -  hope the Truck doesn't Get Stuck - to Banff,  (singing "Life is a Highway") where you'll be awed and overcome with the perfection of the place and think, "Hallelujah!"

I am delighted that you'll be able to spend real face-to-face time with the Bitches - they're sisters, mentors and friends, all rolled in, aren't they?  It's as if they urge all of us who dream in quill, "Let's Go Higher!"

All they ask of themselves and of you, is to Try, right? I've no doubt that being in their real live presence will inspire you and bring your heart much joy - as though they've held out their arms, saying, "I Will Give You Everything!"

Enjoy yourself, my friend. May every day you're here be no Ordinary Day. And know that wherever you travel, you are loved and admired and that maple syrup and real poutine are but a plane ride away.


P.S. When it comes time to go Home for a Rest, remember it all fondly.


  1. What about anything by Colin James? Rockin and blues baby!!!

  2. Oh, I love how you wrote this!

    Now if only the song titles linked to somewhere because I'm horrible about artists. :)

    I feel so welcome, and I've only had a ticket for about 12 hours. :-)

    It is the lure of my wordbitches and the frigid air of Calgary that drove me to this spontaneousish visit. :-) In August. When it's 100 here. Again. For the 3rd month.

    And I love mountains... There's a reason I have them in my blog logo, even though I live nowhere near them.

    You might have to shove me onto the plane to leave.

  3. Will create links for you, Mama.

    And will add some Colin James - how on EARTH did I forget him?! Am certain he was just here in Belleville recently...

    Might not be until later, though...

  4. Nobody good ever comes to my little city, Winnipeg...sigh...
    Now I've off to check out Dances with Chaos and Word Bitches!

  5. Margo's Got the Cargo by Stompin' Tom. Bwahaha

  6. I find it blasphemous they are not coming to see you, nor going to Amazing Coffee in Madoc. Other than that...Bryan Adams?

  7. This has Trouper written all over it. Raise a Little Hell.

  8. I feel sorta awful that I completely forgot Bryan Adams. What kind of Canadian am I?

    Trooper made the letter, Tina - "Here For a Good Time, Not a Long Time" but "Raise a Little Hell" would work, too!

  9. Sleepy Maggie


  10. Brilliant post!! How clever; and don't feel too bad about forgetting Bryan, he's a nice man he'd forgive you. :) lol

    What about KD Lang? Possibly doing Hallelujah since that's what Kelly deserves for her visit a whole Hallelujah Chorus. :)

  11. If Bryan Adams were to read this, I'd like him to know that I own six of his CD's and I know the words to practically everything he's written.

    There. Got it off my chest!

    Reba, the Hallelujah link in the letter does indeed show the KD Lang version at the Olympics. It was AMAZING. I like Mr. Cohen's version, of course, but for some reason, KD Lang brings a whole nother level of passion and angst.

    Thanks for coming over! :)

  12. Love this! Brilliant post. But I gotta say...where's my 54-40??
    And yes...'raise a little hell' may be perfect

    Kelly, it's going to be an excellent trip. I'm super excited! And have reserved my mountain getaway for us bitches!